The articles and fragments from the books
Chapter 2.5 from a book The Mind of a Winner
(The EFSI Intro Seminar)
Placing "above" and "below"
Author: Sergey Kronin
2.5.1. What is "social placing".
The fact is that this mechanism is related to the inner self-acceptance of a man and his attitude towards society around him. Skill "not to bow" tells primarily that the man makes decisions himself and his decisions are more important for him than one’s opinions and estimations.
When the conversation runs on the communication between two persons in particular in the field of professional activity, during negotiations people often use such words as "to crush opponent", "to break", they use so-called "power" or "sports semantics". One may often hear the talk about someone that he "grovels" to another one, toadies, "crawls" to the chief, opponent; and about the other man that he was "on the top", "rode the whirlwind". Other words if the first man "places below" the companion, the second one "places above".
Precisely, these are two states, which in the EFSI are named as placing "above" and placing "below", which are the prize from one side and loss from other side of all communicative game. If one man is placed "above" in communication it means that the others are placed "below".
It is very important moment in communication. Whatever amount of people are its participants, only one of them may be a leader, only one may place "above". It may seem "unjust", but fact remains that there is only one leader in communication. The other side of the shield is that communication is always developing and placings of people may be changing, but there can not be more than one leader in current moment. If two persons in a group hold the leader positions at the same time, there will be a split in a group sooner or later.
Thus, only one man in any group comes to the first position, his leadership is conditioned by his most clear and forceful placing "above" pertaining to the others. This is the way how people qualify this man as a "fugleman", the leader of communication who is able to retain and consolidate his "supreme" position during conversation. It was mentioned above that this ability is not a product of more developed intellect, beauty of inner world etc. Correct set of the head, skill to show poise in company and hold position with the image of the leader often win any high intellectual preparation. So, let’s "add" to education and professional skills the skill of becoming a leader of communication, which means to hold initiative of conversation gaining intended aims.
Placing "above" is a right to be a master of the situation on the physical territory. It means that a man who holds a position of the leader in communication has a right to make his own decisions that will be certainly accepted by the others. If we remember that right for own choice is the essential condition of self-realization as a personality, it comes clear that a man who is able to manage initiative of the conversation not only becomes a leader of conversation but receives a right to approve his individuality in society. Exactly this right to be self is the import of struggle for initiative. Exactly the skill to be self even in ordinary communication, to make own decisions is the base of self-fulfillment in society. If a man even in conversation loses his personality, follows the opinions of the others, it will be very difficult for him to be himself in more complicated questions. It may be said that precisely the skill of placing in communication is the base of all others. It is impossible to win in some big deal if there is a loss in a small one.
2.5.2. The criteria of "placings": basement of self-respect and
right for personal opinion
The placing "above" is fixed in a poise of the head: the neck is always erect and unbraced. I do notice that it should not be "hard-pumped" and toughened, but relaxed and upright. Excess muscles or permanent control of the neck shows the contrary, the potential addiction of placing "below".
In order to understand the state of placing "above", just imagine that you are sitting in a comfortable armchair at home, reclining your head on the pillow in a relaxed posture. If you do that, you will check that there is appearing a composure inside you, crossing over to the absolute indifference to anything around, as if you are not interested what is even on TV and seem to be away.
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